Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Best Worst Contradiction.

"Goodbye; stay golden" I breathe, as I turn away, ignoring the voice inside me begging me not to go.

It's November, a month of mystical ends and beginnings, a season if startling shifting. My heart is full, indeed I can't even begin to sift through everything that us transpiring there. A terrible beauty draws my curious soul.

You, my charming gigolo... In the spring, you came. Puling on heart strings. With a sweet song and innocent promise, you won me over unerringly. My fears melted in your arms. Your gaze steadily locked on mine, and I felt safe. You promised a season if memories.

And oh, the memories I am now the keeper of! Like a precious treasure I buried each one deep inside of me, and now and again they allure me into their wake. Your lips, soft and warm, whispering sweetness into my mouth. Your hands, by day strong against the asphalt track, lightly brush my skin. Your song, turning to a rumble within the body I embrace.

The places these moments took place. An isolated beach. A darkened room. A theater. At night, in a magical kingdom. In a sparkling sea of water, surrounded by creatures of the waves.

Emotions filled me to overflowing all summer long. The purest contentment, to be with you. An urgent desire to show you how much I cared. The comfort of your fingers interlocked with mine. The satisfaction of a reunion after a week of absence. The amusement of becoming Captain Jack and Elizabeth Swan, running drunk along the shoes of a sandy beach. The carefree pleasure of a day spent together.

These are the reasons this is not a bitter goodbye. When I am torn, throughout the long hours if the night that I cannot sleep, I bring those moments to mind. As I write away angry tears at your apathy, I smile at the gifts you left in my mind for life. When I cannot find it in myself to do anything but hate you for what you have done, I turn to the past and cannot do anything but love you.

You are my coal diamond. You are my troubling peace. You are my faithless devotion. You are me perfect contradiction. You are the safest danger. You are my broken wholeness.  My screaming whisper. I will love you, never, and forever.


Anonymous said...

Wow, wow,...this is very familiar to me....