Sunday, October 23, 2011


Best friends don't go away when they go away; if they are really best friends, then they survive the worst times and still remain the best. If they aren't really of the best variety, expect them to disappear when you need them most.

To have best friends, you need to be a pretty good friends. Like friends stay with like friends. Don't be a shit bag and you won't have shit bag friends.

A shit bag is a sick notion. To be compared to a shit bag is an awful insult indeed.

When someone insults you, it's fun to pour gasoline on them and blow them up. Unfortunately, it's not advised or encouraged. But thinking of how fun that would be definitely raises your spirits.

Gasoline is BAD to drink. Please don't do it. I went through the suffering on everyone else's behalf, no one should ever have to learn that lesson again.

You can learn lessons everywhere you go. All of the world is one big center for learning. Just watch what you retain and what's not important, so you don't get overwhelmed with the amount of knowledge in your brain portfolio.

Letting go is a really big part of being happy. The Buddhists, again, do a big thing on attachment. If you're clinging to a 2D world, you don't understand a 3D world, but once you've seen it, you wonder why you held on so tight to the old thing.

You SHOULD hold tight to happiness. Cause without it, you don't really have a lot to live for. Be selfish and pursue happiness.

Selflessness is doing things you don't enjoy for other's benefits. Your life should not be all about selflessness. On the contrary, when you do something you want, you create happiness for yourself and others, so... why the fuck not?

'F**k It' is a good book, taught by a good author whose ideas I agree with to an extent and like to semi-quote on here once in a while. I hope he doesn't mind.

Here are the things that I've chosen to have meaning in my life: Enjoying my job. Being involved in nature. Finding rare qualities in people and loving them for it. Loving everything about myself. And eating as much banana bread as possible.

Bananas are supposed to become extinct in about 27 years. I really hope that is a false expectation. Unless they come up with bananaless banana bread.

Bananas are healthy in a lot of ways; they are not, however, a healthy alternative for a... ahem, male extension. I watched a show once where a horny lady bought a banana and was using it to... ahem, find internal pleasure, when the end of the banana cut her uterus and an air bubble traveled up to her heart and killed her. So don't use bananas for... ahem, any of that nonsense.

I once had a sexual experience involving Hershey's chocolate syrup. Almost the entire contents of the bottle were utilized. It would have been one of the most fantastic sex inventions ever, except that after about ten minutes, it turns into a very sticky situation. Like a binding body-to-body process, and peeling apart feels like you're waxing every inch of your skin at once. So don't do it. Hear me!!!

Now I'm thinking about sex. Did you know that sex can relieve a stress headache for a female, but cause a migraine for males? Yup. It's like you transfer the headache (times SIX) into your adoring, unsuspecting partner. Talk about karma!! See if he ever causes you stress again.

Also, sex is what the word 'fuck' is all about. I learned the word 'fuck' at age 20. I was a slow learner. I thought it was ridiculous how the phrase is misused. For example, 'fuck you' means, have sex with you, which is more of an invitation than an insult. 'Fuck off' means, go have sex, which is only something you should wish on the friends you think deserve to go have a rockin' night. 'Oh, fuck!' means, oh, sex! Which in your moment of stress, isn't a bad thing to be focusing on instead.

I did NOT get that idea from the book 'F**k It'. You can ask my friends who heard me complaining about that 4 years before I even read the book. That word is stunning. It has so much power and it defines such a magnificent act.

Now this post has turned into a sex-craved rant. I guess the most important thing I've learned in life is that sex is really great? That's a message that should be passed on to everyone not under the age of, say, 16. When your life is hard, you need sex. If you had a good day, celebrate it with sex. If you're feeling deep, ask for deep sex to compliment your mindset. If you are raging angry, you probably can have one of the best orgasms of your life while bucking up and down on your partner's....

Ahem. Learned. Sex isn't always a super topic to post on, because some people don't understand the beauty of it and tend to frown on such a delicate, personal subject being aired. So sex shouldn't be the focus of this post.

On the other hand... fuck it.