Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I Kept It Real

Out of boot camp was born a new resolve: Live in the moment.

A retired Air Force officer gave me this most valuable advice a few months ago. "Don't live for yesterday, because you've been given a chance at a new life. Don't live for tomorrow, because you're going to wake up one day and notice that your whole life was lived for a future that is suddenly short and you don't know how to enjoy it. Just live for now, and make sure you're in love with every moment."

Didn't realize how hard that would be for me! The controlling part of my nature bucks the idea of just going with the flow. The sensitive side keeps telling me I need to show my family I'm not a loser. Between those two I often get caught up in the past or the future.

But the other night, my shipmate Colton and I took a long drive to Perdito Key in Alabama. We went to the public beach and began to look for seashells. We found some really cool ones. We talked about relationships, and being in the Navy, and about how much we have changed since boot camp. We got back in my car and sang all our favorite songs at the top of our lungs. And every time I looked out at the ocean and took a breath, I took in all the smells and the stars and I realized that I was living in the moment. And I was loving it.

This is the summer I'm discovering myself. I found out that I'm more adventurous than I suspected. I actually enjoy pushing my comfort zone. For instance, I like swimming in the ocean even though it terrifies me every time. I'm capable of being more dangerous than I thought I could. I'm willing to take a dangerous risk because to me, life is about living fully. My best decisions have been rather impulsive. I learned that I don't have to make everyone happy, and sometimes it's healthy to access a relationship and say, 'fuck it! It's not worth it'.

It's a good time to live in the moment. I'm young, I'm not mothering a child, and I'm making good money. I'm decently independant. I'm not sure where my next command will be. Hooyah for keeping it real!


Annette said...

Did you and your husband separate?