Sunday, June 19, 2011

Inside My Head, Installment #17

I really feel like writing right now. It kind of sucks, because I have a generous hangover and looking at this glaring white screen feels not awesome. But, my mind is coming up with some awesome things, that I should definitely be writing down. Like this one:

Epic battle being fought right now between hangover and feel-better pills. My body is a battleground, and I think the pills are definitely winning, but hangover is getting a few good last kicks in there. Also, gatorade tastes good going both ways.


I know I shouldn't drink to get rid of my problems. I've done that twice in my life. Once was when I was in college. My friend Dean and I were close, and he wanted to try dating, and I didn't. But I didn't want to hurt him... so I drank away the situation. It was kind of funny, cause I was sitting in the car waiting for my friends, and I threw up in a theater popcorn bag, and then I sat there and inhaled the smell of the bag cause I love popcorn smell. But that night sucked, cause I felt so alone, and I felt like the pain intensified with my intoxication levels.

I'm very glad to say, I'm learning some great new strategies on how to deal with my problems. The other day, instead of freaking out about things that are bothering me, I went and talked to the chaplain on base. Also, last night I emotionally and verbally vomited on my shipmates for about 4 hours. And they, amazing people that they are, listened and really helped me think logically about the situation. I feel a lot better for being honest.

On to better subjects. Hang on, I'm going to go get some crackers and pee. Be right back...

I've changed a lot since I left for boot camp. It's kind of awesome, nothing negative. I just didn't know I had the potential to change so much. I'm not just talking about physically, although that's one of the cooler changes. Yesterday I went shopping for jeans, because mine are falling off of me. I told the saleslady, "I was a size 29 when I left, and I think I went down, maybe to a 28." She looked at me and suggested I try a 26. I laughed a little and decided to humor her. And they fit!!! They fit well! I freaked out in the dressing room. It was super.

(Three days later)

I'm back... I was having a pretty fun day when I started this post. But, it actually doesn't sound too bad, so rather than delete it, I'll add on...

I was talking about the 'other-than-physical' changes since boot camp. One is that I've been able to step back and see the much bigger picture. Not that I always sit there and stare at the bigger picture, but I'm more aware of it now. Since I share a barracks with a hundred people who are all very different than me, and we are all being completely indoctrinated with military values, I've learned that some of the best people for my life are the ones I would never have 'cliqued' with, I guess, in the civilian world.

When I thought of the Navy, I was scared of the fact that no one I knew was going with me. It seemed like a really huge step, and I didn't even have the comfort of knowing I could go home if it didn't work out. I had seen my roommate's courage fail her, and I fought the same fear. I'm really glad now that I made that choice, though. Because my circle of friends is growing so fast. In 2 months, I worked with over 80 of the sharpest sailors in the Navy. And made fast friends with a lot of them. After all, we did survive some pretty rough waters for 9 weeks, side by side. And now I have the honor of working here on base with some pretty awesome people.

My class consists of 16 students. Six of us are fresh out of Navy bootcamp. Eight are soldiers straight out of boot camp, and the other two are fleet returnees-coming back from a ship for more schooling. So far we have a lot of fun. We got our first piece of classified information yesterday, and I'm really excited to learn a whole lot more. The soldiers are really fun. I've got a sparring date with a few of them... wish me luck!!

I'm going to write more soon, as well as post pictures next time. Byeee...


Anonymous said...

I thought you were pregnant? I'm sorry to pry, I just thought it was interesting as I found out I was pregnant around the same time. Is everything alright? I've experienced miscarriage before, and I know how sucky it can be- just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.