Tuesday, July 13, 2010

What Is Happening to My Family?

Today could be just another day. It certainly seemed that way when I woke up this morning. Just like all the other normal days I started to have. And yet, this day turned out to be a nightmare, yet again, as I discovered a few hours ago.

It would seem that my family is prone to attempts at sabotage aimed towards anyone who might appear normal or *gasp* happy. No, let me try again. The women in my family are manipulative and controlling. No, that doesn't really fit it either. It's some mixture of the two. I'm too close to the situation to accurately describe it. It includes the words 'jealousy' and 'pain'.

So, at this point I am overflowing with conflicting thoughts. I feel like a million times I have given my family chances that they abused in SO many ways... I have tried looking through their eyes, and I can't see what kind of horrible black thing could be causing this. It's like a twisting, dark groping thing. It's spreading through the minds like an awful disease. And when I'm around them it creeps into me, filling me with sadness, confusion and hurt.

Today there was a respite, however. Because I am a Hoyt now. And as such, I happen to have a support that I didn't know was possible for me. The Hoyts are proud people. They are willing to stand up for me as part of their family. It makes me happy that I am not alone.

It's also changing what I've had all my life. Not like what I've had all my lie was good, but it was just who I was, I guess. And now it's threatening to not be. And it's sooo scary to realize that I might not really be a part of that family anymore. But good? I'm so confused.

I need serenity.


Princess Jo said...

Your family sounds so like mine. My mother is pretty much the exact same way.

What is it with fundamentalist (or former) mothers?

You are not alone.

You are a million times stronger then you think (or have been allowed to think) you are.


Angel Renee said...

That means the world to me. Thank you SO much for following my blog and understanding. Do you have facebook?

Princess Jo said...

Yes, I do.


:) Keep on keeping on!